I need an instrumental version of Close Your Eyes by Kim Petras cause there’s some delicious sounding distortion on the muted piano synth in the chorus that makes me want to melt into a vibrating puddle, but girl’s kinda shout-singing over it.
Also made an appointment @ a multidisciplinary psych place in two weeks to see if I can get more specific help than I’ve had so far. I know it’s good that I did. And I just deleted the rest of this paragraph because it started with ‘but’ and was grim as a motherfucker, and reading it made me realize that I desperately needed to make that appointment. So it’s good that I did. I keep wanting to type ‘but’ and follow up with some horrid shit. It’s good that I made the appointment. It’s good that I did that.
My heart is full of the hour long Instagram live video Tammie Brown did with Laganja Estranja yesterday where they just smoke and improvise horribly and wonderfully and sing and dance to synthesizer preset songs like your drunk aunt while a cute dog wanders into the frame every once in a while and just sits there looking so pleased with the situation and content with his life in general
I’m being a real dingus letting my chronic depression go untreated like this. Took 2 weeks off from the 2,5 days a week job that I like but can barely handle and it got to be real bad whoopsie doodle time in my brain less than a week in. The big roadblock this time is knowing I’m going to have to make a choice to go back on antidepressants at some point, or do this whole shambolic song and dance for the rest of my life, however long that’s gonna turn out to be. I can’t write worth a damn anymore anyway. Which hurts. A lot. But it should make it easier to just choose the meds over this stupidity. Should.
